The 10 keys to managing tantrums and building family harmony.

BUILD. POSITIVISM. REALISTIC. RESCUE. TRANQUILITY AFFECTION. PREVENTION. BAD TECHNOLOGIES. WITHOUT FEAR.

– [ ] Build

The way you react, act, and resolve is the way your children will do socially in the future. So be consistent and build a framework of not perfection but self-reflection, example and analysis that makes a difference, cultivate yourself because it is also very likely that you will find that your own shortcomings are those of your children and by solving them you are helping them to do so. themselves. Think about whether the way you behave with them is the way you would like them to behave with their friends, their boss, their partner... Especially in moments where there is conflict or lack of communication because that is where they seem to appear. difficulties in adults and children.

– [ ] Positivism

Neutrality is a good starting point, since a smile when faced with a moment of stress in our little ones could almost be a sign of mockery. After this phase of making contact with the situation we can build forward, we must always tend to take the good things out of all situations, the mere fact of expressing is already a good starting tool to self-control one's own behavior, if We do not express that we are talking about another degree in which more elaborate resources are needed to reach this same point of redirecting not so acceptable behaviors. Keep it in mind. On the other hand, we must arm ourselves with positive teaching strategies, sharing spaces where everything is motivating, magical, fun and incredible. Immersed in completely busy lives, we have to continue finding the time to have that load of positive experiences that fill our children's batteries because when there is a shortage of them it is a clear indicator that negative or, let's say, less constructive situations may arise. When we stop seeing the good side of things we inevitably see the bad or we get closer to the neutral and depending on our own personality we will return to the positive or we will go to the negative but keep in mind that there will be changes so never forget to laugh, share, play , sing, read, listen and invent any excuse to be with your children.

– [ ] Realistic

Children misbehave not because they want to but because they can't. There are many things to take into account at the moment of a tantrum in which the child brings out his entire arsenal (which he neither controls nor knows) to express his internal inconsistencies that with little experiential baggage can hardly be made less attractive. It is nothing personal, they do not intend to ridicule the adult, trying at an early age to make them aware of what they cause around them is far removed from the purpose of this resolution, which is to learn to manage the volcanic energy that gushes out from within them, They are in full effervescence and will never have the capacity to be so objective as to take into account the little old lady who passes by and the reaction she may have when she sees him. Forget about these facts and do not focus on others but on your child who is the one who needs you and is also the most effective way to end that situation that can be uncomfortable depending on what situations and contexts.

- [ ] Rescue

Go to the point where your little one is, you have to give him a moment of expression and relief that in the end one of the objectives is usually that, to give space to something that blocks us and that normally comes out with the people with whom we allow ourselves to be ourselves. ourselves with all the consequences, our parents and brothers. It is common to see mothers and fathers saying that these "tantrums" only come out with them and that does not mean anything other than that the bonds are perfectly consolidated and represent family solidity as a space of strength where I can let go, unblock and let flow what I Sometimes I have been controlling in other contexts for perhaps too long.

- [ ] Tranquillity

The more nervous you are, the calmer I am. We must try to invoke our most Zen side, the one that allows us, with all our maturity, to breathe and look beyond what we see superficially, empathize with our little ones and help them in the process of getting out of the cave of frustration, that is one of the feelings that go hand in hand in this type of process, triggered by a multitude of causes and causing a wide range of situations; silence, anger, aggression, pain... This not knowing why our self-esteem has lowered and I cannot face what I want to face naturally as I do with millions of things.

- [ ] Keen

Affection is something that should not be missing in any stressful situation to face it in a receptive way, this happens in a multitude of everyday situations not only in the education of our children, but also in work, with one's partner, with friends... The path of Affection is much more effective, it strengthens trust and relationships than any other you have known, which is why the family establishes ties in this way, although it is true that individualities, egos, circles of comfort sometimes clash because they leave a They ignore this aspect and centralize it in self-affection and forget how precious it is to be able to transfer this to others because it becomes much more powerful and constructive. A very effective tool is physical contact and height, we have to keep in mind that our little ones are just that, small and height counts in these situations, try putting your child up at the same height as you or lower yourself to his/her height. same height in such a way that eye contact is direct and equal to equal that will not only change the way in them but in you as well, it gives closeness, empathy and allows us to see things from another perspective because we break with the normal positioning patterns and this helps to get out of our self-absorption and consequently theirs.

– [ ] Prevention

(hunger, loneliness, tiredness, boredom, frustration) when we have repetitive tantrums we can diagnose why they happen, when, in what situation, with what people, in what spaces, at what times... And this will give us the necessary tools to prevent them, one of the most interesting strategies that exist to be able to pre-manage and avoid them in order to promote what we said at the beginning of positive practice, avoiding situations (which will always occur) where they may feel unprotected until they generate the necessary tools to put them into practice. It's not about putting them in a glass shell, but rather enhancing their positive experiences so that when the not-so-positive ones come, they are able to manage their energy, staying again with the most abundant, the positive one.

– [ ] Bad technologies

Get rid of distractors and incoherent examples in tantrums. We are at a time when new technologies are deteriorating relationships, conversations are carried out without attention and without eye contact, the examples they receive are filled with people glued to screens answering questions from afar and comforting children without contact. We will wonder why children are so eager for new technologies, they are attractive and motivating but it is the first thing our parents do when they wake up and the last thing when they go to bed, not counting the countless times we look at the phone, the iPad or sit on the couch. computer. Let's ask ourselves for a moment how much time a day we spend playing with our children, without interruption!, painting, telling them a story, dancing to our favorite songs or jumping on the bed... It is interesting the new currents that arise giving courses in mindfulness, of being where I am, enjoy and live what I am doing at every moment, this is something very valuable that our children have to take into the world with them.

- [ ] Without fear

Avoid aggression when there are tantrums. All of our children's reactions provoke sensations in us and reactions resulting from this mirror that they provoke with their own. When they are achievements, contagious laughter, the first steps, their relationships with objects... They are logically sensations of pride, happiness, joy... But it is logical, on the other hand, to think about the type of sensations that other things will cause, such as tantrums, aggression, crying... And this is an aspect to take into account because it will largely determine the type of response we will generate in these situations. Sometimes our ego is affected when our children do not behave as we expect or have tantrums, when instead of being the father of the child who bites he is the father of the child who bites, when we put ourselves in the center of the social eye and prioritize what they will say to what we will say to help our children. Consistency and emotional determination is the best tool we can find to establish the limits of our children's behavior under an umbrella of understanding or otherwise of support and security, giving rise to foster care and the luck of having a father and a mother who will be there even if we are not perfect children.

– [ ] Speak, speak and then speak against the tantrums.

It is the tool par excellence, not only in moments of tantrums because here it is usually more difficult to establish dialogue, but rather they are sensations, looks, positions that play a more important role in the first phase of connection but then comes the more verbal phase where We have to analyze the situation, emotions, feelings and thoughts and verbalize it. For this, it is very important that our children have prior skills to be able to face the occasion of a tantrum with reflection, analysis and planning and action with tools that they have been generating throughout their experiences with their parents, stories where these situations occur. to be able to make associations between situations with other classmates, with siblings and at other times where everything was understood more easily because it was a game of reflection on a more external situation and this leads us to facilitate that moment of self-reflection.

Be parents, try, try and put all the imagination you can, make mistakes and ask for forgiveness, keep trying and you will always be building a direct bridge to your children who sometimes will be closer and other times will be further away but will always be proud and sure of that you never stopped trying.

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