Children with autism struggle daily with many things that other children handle naturally, and it can sometimes cause overwhelming anger and frustration. It is inevitable that these feelings overwhelm them and are sometimes expressed as aggression or rage.

We encounter children who can go to either extreme: they can be prone to anger or become extremely docile. In the first case, the child navigates between rage and what may seem like provocation. At the other extreme, he may appear to be devoid of anger, unprovoked. Sometimes we can find the same child at both extremes on different days or in different situations.

Short and long term strategies

The child with autism needs to learn how to recognize and understand anger and frustration in himself and others, as well as learn to control them. The last thing we want is for him to see aggression as a way to handle problems. We cannot afford to turn a blind eye. Physical violence is a particularly serious matter and can be very dangerous.

To address problems of frustration, aggression or out-of-control anger, you need to have two strategies.

• A short-term strategy that helps you handle explosive situations as they occur.
• A long-term strategy that helps you gradually train him, so that in the long run these situations stop happening.

The following tips are intended to help you manage situations of anger and frustration when they occur – or even better, to prevent them from occurring, whenever possible.

1. Start acting from a young age: There are many reasons to address problems that involve anger and aggression from a young age:

• He is easier to handle when he is smaller than you.
• The longer this behavior occurs, the more patterns will be established and the harder it will be to break them.
• The child may see aggression as a way of expressing himself or getting what he wants.
• You may like the feeling of control you get from this behavior, as you can take it as a substitute for the security and acceptance you need.
• If you get a bad reputation, this can turn into having problems anywhere. People may not want to have his company and as a result, he will be isolated and alienated. If this continues into adulthood, it can become a big problem, both for him and those around him.

2. Use steps to avoid a crisis: Remember: prevention is better than cure. It's not always possible to avoid a crisis, but there are some steps you can take to keep things from going wrong.

• Use a code or sign that your child understands and that you have introduced at another time, an image, a sign, a way to understand the connection that exists with that sensation that we want him to understand. Each mother/father must find the most suitable vehicle so that their child understands that concept and connects with it. The first step to begin to recognize and subsequently control this state of crisis.
• Offering options is like pre-teaching you tools after entering that previous code or sign to solve or at least start offering resources that are useful in this situation with our support; breathing, walking, picking up some material or object that we know gives us that feeling of tranquility that we are looking for.

It won't come out the first time, it's quite a training but conditioning it in a calm moment will make it easier for you to connect with it in the moment of crisis and acquire resources with your help.

3. Reward him for staying calm Make “staying calm” a specific goal. When you see that he is staying calm in a situation that is difficult for him, let him know and reward him for it, even if it is with a small thing. Many times we are so focused on absences that we forget many situations that are normalized and happen calmly and rewarding those moments makes them also know clearly where to put their attention.

4. Have a Crisis Plan It can be very difficult to handle a crisis as it happens. How can you control your child in a fit of anger? Take steps and find strategies to handle crisis situations from now on. It may help you to write them down. Think about it realistically. What has worked other times? what has failed? Are there any new ideas I can try? You are the person who has the most idea about what can work.

From these ideas, make your crisis plan. This will help you and your child know in advance what will happen and what steps you will take if an “explosion” occurs. Test your crisis plan and evaluate how it works. If necessary, adapt and try new things.

5. Cut these situations from the root : When you see that a situation is developing that could end in an explosion, don't let it drag on and cut it off. Your firmness will give security and prevent him from getting entangled in a more complex situation.

6. Be calm : When things get tense, don't add fuel to the fire. Give him the impression that his poor behavior makes him less likely to get what he wants. Careful!! Try not to reinforce these situations, but not negatively but neutrally because your profile sometimes tends to focus on both reinforcements and both will cause the behavior to increase.

7. Let him play in an empty room : Sometimes we can be surprised when in situations where the child becomes violent, angry... the possibility of leaving and leaving him alone can sometimes improve his anxiety levels when people in the audience leave. reduce the tension of the situation.

Over time, the management of anger and frustration can improve, but the need to promptly and consistently attack these crises is strictly necessary in our children who present great social difficulties and require so much help. Let's give them help quickly and effectively to eliminate as many barriers as possible as soon as possible.

Cristina Oroz Bajo

 Sources: Text adapted from “Educating children with Asperger Syndrome: 200 tips and strategies” (Brenda Boyd)